Thursday, March 03, 2005

The Ugly Truth About Japanese Game Centers

So far it's gone largely unnoticed by the rest of the world, but one of the most insidious crimes being perpetrated at the moment is happening in what seems to be innocuous game centers in Japan. I had the chance to go undercover to one of these "game centers" last time I was in Nagoya visiting Tadashi, and here are a few pics I managed to take with the aid of the spy camera in my cell phone.

Yes, I'm sorry to say it's true, but Hello Kitty is kept behind glass like a common stripper for the amusement of passersby. The poor dear. How could they??

And not only is poor Hello Kitty held captive for the viewing pleasures of paying customers, but the rumor that if Hello Kitty does not behave she is transformed into the terrible hellcat of Japan is actually quite true. I found a whole bin of former Hello Kitties serving out their sentence behind glass, roasting in hell.

It is also true that the Japanese force their captives in the game centers to appear happy, as if they "like" the life they're leading. Oh Pooh! They got you too??

This mobile panda misbehaved while we were at the "game center" and you would not believe what its punishment was. They actually tied it up by its neck to the rafters of its cage and opened the gate on the opposite side. The poor thing was so deluded it kept choking itself as it tried to get to freedom.

It is also horrifyingly true that the Japanese experiment and that strange creatures are bred from these terrifying exploits done in the name of science. I am not even sure what these creatures should be called. For now I simply call them the "Droplets". I find their crazed smiles most disturbing.

I think this image speaks for itself, don't you? Hmmph!

And yes, also quite horrifying was discovering that the rumor about Poohs that are actually "grown" are true. Vast fields of them can be found in Japanese "game centers", hooked up to machines that use their bioelectricity as a source of sustenance. It's quite sickening.

Among their life of imprisonment, these poor creatures are also subject to various tortures. Many suffer from the wrath of "the claw" daily.

We made it out quite safely, so there's no need to worry. I just hope that this expose will serve to be a catalyst for an international investigation.


Blogger Maureen McHugh said...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, what did you win?

8:13 AM  
Blogger Christopher Barzak said...

Tadashi won that Pooh actually, the one being tortured by the claw. I didn't win anything that night. I played regular arcade games instead. But I won a watch at a game center here near where I live. It's actually really nice, but I need to have it sized and a couple of links taken out of it. When I managed to win it, two teenage girls were passing by, watching me win, and said, "Ohh kakkoi ne!" Oh how cool, huh!

8:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Those God-damn insipid Hello-Kitties are getting no more than they deserve and considerably less than they'd get if I was in charge.

Outraged Citizen

9:27 AM  
Blogger Christopher Barzak said...

Citizen of Japan or elsewhere? With an attitude like that, I suspect Japan!

10:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe your attitude is explained by the fact that in the photo on your personal profile, you look kind of like a Hello Kitty yourself.

Outraged Citizen

11:33 AM  
Anonymous kirsten said...

You didn't get a picture of the faces of maniacal glee on little boys' faces as they cruelly forced giant beetles to attack each other? I thought that was in all the game centers...

6:30 PM  
Blogger Christopher Barzak said...

I saw no beetle battles at this particular establishment, Kirsten! I hear those are the worst of the "game centers" though!

Outraged Citizen, I do not resemble Hello Kitty in the least, unless you are referring to a general comparison of our levels of cuteness, which are high, high, high! That I understand.

3:21 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

In the b&w pic where you are leaning against the wall smoking, there is a certain resemblance. Also I have long suspected you were vat-grown in Ohio.

8:01 AM  
Blogger Christopher Barzak said...

Karen Meisner san wa usotsuki da kedo boku wa anata ga mada suki da yo.

8:12 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

Totally no fair. All I can say back is "Christopher Barzak chang daisuki", which (while true) seems inadequate. Don't MAKE me pull out my Swedish.

9:19 AM  
Blogger Christopher Barzak said...

hehe, "Karen Meisner is a liar, but I still like you anyway."

And I think it would actually be really cool to see you pull out the Swedish! hehehe

9:35 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

O ärkebest av tveksam härkomst, vet väl att jag har härdat mitt hjärta mot dig och hela din legion av själlösa teddybjörnar. Må en väldig klo komma ner från himlen och klämma dig på stjärten, så får vi se hur du gillar det!

1:24 PM  
Blogger Dave said...

Det er saa vann. Du gaa, jente!

7:34 PM  
Blogger Christopher Barzak said...

Did I just lose my mind, or did Dave just say, "You go, girl!" in Swedish??

10:01 PM  
Blogger Christopher Barzak said...

And what's this all about clam digs starting and legions of teddy bears?? It sounds wickedly nasty!

10:03 PM  
Blogger Christopher Barzak said...

Karen, does the beginning of your message say, "I at best am very honest?"

Chris, being the language sleuth

3:58 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

You are not losing your mind, although I think Dave said it in Norwegian. Otherwise, your sleuthing has yielded dubious results. What I said translates roughly to this:

"O archbeast of questionable descent/origin, know well that I have hardened my heart against you and all your legion of soulless teddy bears. May a great claw descend from heaven and grab your ass, we'll see how you like it."

8:01 AM  
Blogger Christopher Barzak said...

Hey I'm for the freedom of the bears!

9:04 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

Yes, but I'm not sure I'm on board with that cause. There may be good reasons to keep those things behind glass. Their blank stare kind of freaks me out, and they're not even cute or Pooh-like, they're just generic beige toy units. They look like an army of fat furry twinkies.

9:13 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

PS I do like the red-eyed zombie hell-kitties.

9:16 AM  
Blogger Christopher Barzak said...

I sure, keep them in the back of the bus, eh? I see how it is.

9:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm glad there's another blogger able to appreciate the danger of these Village Of The Damned cats and who supports the sensible policies of the Japanese government, which I guess I have to remind you, has had to deal with Godzilla and Mothra.

Outraged Citizen

12:17 PM  

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